Aleen Mean

Photo by Steve McCurry

“But what do you want to create?”

I’ve been asked the question a dozen times since my post summarizing 2013. My answer is always some variation of, “I want to take beautiful pictures. I want to write inspiring sentences. I want to make non-annyoing music.” I don’t want to draw better or learn how to paint. Maybe someday, but not for years and years to come. My creations are different than that.

I have a dear friend who is an extremely talented artist in the way that people think of artistry: he draws and colors his pictures using a variety of media. He recently told me that photography is not art. After all, he explained, the only thing you need to do is point a camera at the subject and press a button.

I look at the picture above and wonder how anyone can think such a thing.

I thought I knew what I would write about 2013. Now I’m sitting here, ready to put my whirlwind of thoughts into words and I find that I’m at a loss. If I’m being completely honest with myself, the year kind of sucked.

Don’t get me wrong, there were brilliant parts. After nearly six years of life and love together, Justin and I married. Dear friends took the same plunge while others added little ones to their families. We adopted a new cat to be a companion to the seven year old feline we already had. I discovered a doctor willing and able to help me, learned I have hypothyroidism, and determined what medication would help me live my life more fully. I think I’ve figured out what I want to be when I grow up. Furthermore, I’ve come to terms with it and have started taking steps to make that a reality.

But the bad bits? The bad bits overshadowed much of the joy. A dear friend lost her battle to an aggressive form of breast cancer in late 2012 and I spent a lot of the first few months of 2013 processing that loss. The company where I have worked for the better part of six years started to undergo some changes and I have spent more than a little time wondering where I’ll fit in the future of the business.

My world really seemed to revolve around work in 2013 and, as a result, home wasn’t a priority; the house has been a mess and we’ve eaten more meals out than I care to contemplate. Reading, writing, music, and photography were all out of the question as life became less about living and more about making it through another week, especially with wedding planning thrown into the mix.

Every year I pick a word to summarize what I want to accomplish in the 12 months ahead. In 2013, I wanted to discover. In the midst of survival, I think I did discover a lot. I’ve learned that I want my marriage to be full of love, laughter, and open communication. I want my home to be tidy, as continually clean might be a bit of a stretch. I want to focus more on the things I have always loved to do and less on the things that frustrate me.

The year also reaffirmed that I am indeed fortunate. My mom, my friends, and my husband always listen to, encourage, and love me. I honestly don’t know what I would do without such an amazing system of support. Justin and I have a nice house and two cats who are tollerant of one another most of the time. I haven’t felt the need to actively worry about money for a while, which is an amazing, freeing experience.

I think I can call the discovery portion of 2013 a rousing success.

So what’s my word for 2014?

Create.